I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...NOT

OH SWEET LORD....i am so sorry. it's been way too long. sometimes it just seems like to write on here i have to be insightful and deep and most of the time....i feel like i can be neither. anyway, i first of all want to say how incredibly thankful i am to all my amazing friends and family who are writing me messages, emails, letters, sending packages, and encouraging my parents and relatives who miss me. thank you thank you thank you. you guys are so awesome. really.



i'm thinking i need to write this blog entry in chapters....haha....here we go! :-)



Chapter 1: Rais Mpya!!!

well, first of all. i have to say that i did not vote for obama. nor mccain. nor anyone else, unfortunately. for the first time in my life i really wanted to vote and felt like i knew what was going on, but unfortunately, i got my absentee ballot too late and was not able to vote. BOO. although i've decided that since i'm from ny i basically voted for him anyway, but it just is frustrating to not be able to say that "i voted for the first black president..." or whatever. however, that being said. i'm incredibly proud to be an american right now. not just because we just chose the first black president, from african decent (which believe me, created quite the stir here...), but more importantly we've chosen a president who is of strong morals and admirable beliefs. not to mention that i love to constantly brag that i've studied his rhetoric through a burkean lense (haha....how are you feeling now, dr. mrs.?) and finally, when i talk to foreigners, africans and europeans alike, i am proud of the direction my government and my country is moving. ha...and on a lighter note. i have bought 5 obama poster calendars (one has sports pictures which obama, mccain, and biden's faces pasted in with ridiculous comments...it's my favorite by far) and i am currently working on a collage made from pictures from the free newsweeks i receive at site! woohoo....



Chapter 2: Thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of the american holidays that hasn't found its way into tanzanian culture, so i celebrated thanksgiving with a bunch of my PC friends. we went to a village near mafinga and stayed with a former PC volunteer and her fiancee who are currently working at an orphange/resort. yeah, i know it sounds weird. but it's awesome. we got to play with amazing little kids....and then play cricket in the landscaped garden. i certainly missed being home with family on thanksgiving, but i had an amazing time with my tanzanian PC family here. we made everything from baked ham (no turkey...BOO) to mashed potatoes to pie to traditional Tanzanian dishes...i made rolls, mashed potato bisquits, and tortillas. i'm not trying to brag or anything...but my food didn't even make it onto the dinner table. it was eaten the day before. BAM! come visit me....i'll emeril tanzania you. anyway, thanksgiving was absolutely amazing. but in some ways it just seemed like another excuse to see my american friends and eat tons of delicious food. i think that i feel the most thankful when i eat at my tanzanian neighbor's house. when i go visit them in the evening we sit around the fire (they cook with firewood. the put the pot on three big stones above the rocks) in their mud/dung kitchen. it's so peaceful and i laugh hysterically at my brothers and sisters (they're my new family) or just sit in silence and enjoy the fire. before we eat ugali (the staple tanzanian food, a thick porridge made of cornmeal) and beans or spinach we wash our hands (because we eat with them....and we don't use toilet paper. well, i do...but most people don't) and then mama prays. and when mama prays....i swear, God comes into the kitchen. when she says "we are grateful for the food"....she means it. and when she says, "Father God, you alone are enough"...she really knows what she's saying. so i guess, in a lot of ways....i'm learning to celebrate thanksgiving in a less conventional way (w/o cranberry sauce and a relish tray) and sadly enough, i'm realizing how grateful i am for my family and friends when i have to celebrate it without them. hopefully that will make thanksgiving '10 that much better....

Chapter 3: 24...Am I Now In My Mid 20s?

well, lots of people have been asking what i did to celebrate my birthday, so i thought i'd give a quick rundown. unfortunately, birthdays aren't a huge deal to tanzanians (most of my friends in the village don't even know what month they were born in...). fortunately though, i just happened to be traveling for thanksgiving, so i ended up in iringa town on my birthday eve. i went out for dinner and then went to a bar with a ton of friends. at the stroke of midnight they hoisted me up on a chair jewish wedding style and sung "happy birthday." between my PC friends and the random strangers i met that night, the heineken beer (imported beer....WHAT?!) was flowing all night. then of course....i had to dance so we headed to a disco! at around 3 i was starting to crave tahou's, but i had to settle for chipsi mayai (which is basically french fries fried with eggs. and of course i cover it with chili sauce and salt...yummy. but no plate) i'm pretty sure we returned to our hotel room around 4 a.m. and then i left around 5 to catch my bus back to my village. i slept most of the trip home and returned about 6 p.m. i was late to all my villager's confirmation parties, so i got dressed quick and made a few appearances then realized i had no charge in my phone....and that won't do on my birthday! mom and dad will call! so i ran to town in the dark (scary!) and got some charge. by the time i got home (around 8) i pretty much collapsed, but i (luckily) was sleeping lightly enough to hear when mom and dad called. it was overall a great day. although it's always sad on the big days to be away from you all. (no one makes a bday party like reeba jane)!

Chapter 4: What the Heck am I Doing Here?

people often ask me what exactly my job in Tanzania is. and honestly, sometimes i just have no clue what to say. well, no, if i'm really going to be honest....i never know what to say. because even i am still discovering what my job is. i am technically a "health educator." traditionally, people in my position teach about HIV/AIDS and life skills (such as communication, self esteem, etc...the goal is to aid in behavior change, because now the problem of HIV/AIDS can't really be blamed on ignorance....it just ties into social and cultural norms that can't always be overcome do to economic or gender issues...but more on that later) in schools. they also often teach about permaculture (a method of gardening that is designed to get a huge output in a small space with minimal effort. we aim our programs for people living with hiv/aids (PLWHAs), but the method is awesome and useful for everyone-especially those in difficult climates/terrains). then we can work with vulnerable groups with income generation projects or just general support. lots of volunteers work with NGOs, health centers, or hospitals....i, however, am still just working to figure out what projects are really most needed in my community. i'm on vacation now (as are the students) and i'm going to a training in january, so i plan to really start working in february. does that sound bad? i often feel a bit guilty about not doing much formally, but PC actually encourages this approach. and when i think about it, i really am learning a lot (about my community and in my language skills) and building relationships, so it's ok....but i'd be lying if i told you that my american, go-get 'em, type A part of me is going absolutely crazy!

Chapter 5: Ode to My Meatgrinder!

so, tanzanian meat isn't exactly as tender and delicious as meat at home....we don't lock animals up in cages and pump 'em full of steroids. which is good....and a part of me is really happy about that. but my gluttonous side (which is bigger than my animal activist side) is often quite frustrated. anyway, i discovered a way to rise above this adversity. it cost 18,000 shillings (of the 200,000 i get in a month)....but it has already been worth it. i have made chili, hamburgers, meatloaf, and tacos. yeah....delicious. and while i'm reflecting on my culinary prowess, i should probably also mention that i've mastered the art of refried beans, bread, and french toast as well. :-)

Chapter 6: Site Mates (or Ode to Jon)

i'm not sure i've mentioned this yet, but i am one of the few volunteers who has a "site mate." what does that mean, jess? well, i'll tell you. a site mate is another volunteer who is in close proximity (usually defined as travelable in a day). in my case, i have one volunteer who is less than an hour walk away and one who is less than an hour drive away! what?! how does that happen? i don't know. the funny thing is....it takes us FOREVER to get to anyone cities, but we're close together. guess it's sorta a trade off. anyway, i just have to quickly note that i won the PC lottery. my first site mate, jonathan (who went home just after thanksgiving) was well-loved and integrated into his community. he spoke swahili like a tanzanian (their words, not mine) and loved his job. he helped me figure out what the heck i was doing ("which bus do i take, jon?" "how do i cook this, jon?" "where can i buy that, jon?" and typically, i didn't ask these questions once). jonathan was actually the one who picked up my meat grinder (see chapter 5) for me and carried it all the way back from njo "with the blade stabbing him in the back." he was always up for cooking fajitas and often came bearing gifts of the best kind-chocolate. jon would give a new perspective in the midst of frustrations and charged my iPOD whenever i needed. he also was hysterically funny, a wicked good dancer, and the best back massager i've ever met. i miss him. boo. BUTTTTTT.....now i have a new site mate, bret. he's only been here a month but i already like him a lot. we have a lot in common and are on a more similar page as new volunteers. we also have had some great adventures already (see the upcoming xmas chapter)! marie is a bit further away, but i love having another american girl around. we get giddy about musicals, dresses, and chocolate. it's crazy....and fun. i love tanzanians and i am here for them, but i never expected how important my relationships with other americans would be to my time here. at the end of the day (or, thanks to text messaging, all throughout it) it's nice to have someone to talk to in my language....who understands my worldview....who can encourage me, laugh with me, empathize with me in everyway....and enjoy amaretto milano cookies and hershey kisses as much as i do!

Chapter 7: My House

well, this episode of trading spaces continues. the main part of my house is now done (kitchen, living room, bedroom), but the painting/furniture making/decorating continues. i'll try and post some pictures eventually....or you can come take a look! :-)

Chapter 8: Weather (or BRRR....it's cold in here)

so....does anyone recall me saying, "i am so glad this is my last winter in ny for a while for the last 2 years?" that sentiment has still not changed. i hate the cold. full stop (tanzanian for period). however, it's stinking cold where i am. i'm kinda used to it now. i wake up in the morning under three heavy blankets, wearing socks, pants, and a long sleeve shirt. i run to the potty in the cold to wake up and then come back and put on a khanga or kitenge (a big piece of fabric that can be sewn into clothes or wrapped around your waist) and then wrap a blanket over that and put on my fleece....yeah....it's cold. but like i said, i'm used to it....and it certainly is MUCH better than being in ny now, so i'm thankful. however, i am currently vacationing in morogoro/dar es salaam....and it is HOT HOT HOT here....getting a taste or "real" africa is making me a bit sad now. although, i will admit that i do enjoy the perks of the cold...aka. no mosquitos, snakes, or frogs (yeah, i think i showered with a black and yelow, perhaps poisonous frog two days ago). so i'll try and not complain!

Chapter 9: Books

for the first month at site i would come home absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausted. so i fell back in love with reading. it's been pretty amazing. i snuggle up in bed and rock out the head lamp or a crap load of candles and just read for a few hours before i go to bed. in some ways i feel pretty guilty about it, because when i'm reading i don't journal or write letters or do more "introspective" things, but the more i'm reading the more i realize i'm thinking about things that never would pop into my head. as the goo goo dolls song says, "i wandered through fiction to look for the truth..." sometimes when the world you live in seems strange and almost fictional there's a weird comfort in connecting with a character in a book or struggling with a theme that transgresses setting or genre. anyway, because i know mrs. zachos (shoot, did i spell that wrong? 10th grade was a long time ago!) will want to know, here's the run down of some of the books i've read (i'm sure i'll forget some)

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Stardust by Neil Gaiman
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson (the last two were for you, andy!)
Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (made me think of you, sammy!)
The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas by John Boyne
A Room With a View by E. M. Forester
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (that was for you, prof stew!)
All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes by Maya Angelou (who knew there were still books by her i haven't read?)
Where Angels Fear to Tread by E. M. Forester
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemmingway

Chapter 10: Weird Things/Daily Life

well, for those of you who know how lazy i am and were worried about whether or not the regularity of my bathing has been hindered by my laziness and lack of desire to chote water on my head....i have good news! well, and bad news. the good news is the rainy season has begun and i can now catch rain water off my roof! i have more water than i know what to do with! the bad news is that now it rains....everyday. and it's kinda depressing. but i now have received my purple raincoat in a care package so i am rocking the rains in style! :-)

for lisa beth and all my friends at locos....i will say a few words about the alcohol situation. african beer is delicious and strong (think i might have mentioned before that 2.5 beers here equals a 6-pack at home). there are also a few other options. there is konyagi, also known as the "spirit of tanzania" which is like a nasty gin-type substance and zed, a pineapple flavored vodka-type substance. these are cheap alternatives to beer. but what's the cheap alternative to liquor? that would be local pombe (made from corn in my region). local pombe can be bought by the bucket. BAM. that should be enough said, but i'll go on. groups of old men or women alike sit together and drink together out of a communal bucket (about the size of a flower pot). it's drank in morning, afternoon, and night...it's drank after important meetings and when there's nothing else to do. really, it's drank all the time. i did indeed try it, but i will admit, i had a rough time. it takes worse than what i imagine urine will taste like. somehow though i managed to choke down about a coffee cup worth. and then walk about an hour home with no problem. yup. i'm a champ. in some ways i really appreciate the tradition, but in some ways it's really frustrating. people who beg me for food somehow find money for alcohol. and on days when i'm feeling particularly judgy this really bothers me, but honestly....i try and keep that in check. i don't know if i could walk in their shoes for a day (if they had them)....i'd likely want to get drunk and forget about life too....

"sadaka" is the word for church offering. at the luthern church i go to offerings can be monetary or in the form of crops (very similar to biblical times, i suppose). the crops are then auctioned off after church in front of the whole congregation. this is a difficult process/tradition for me. in some ways i think it's really great. two eggs in the market would go for about 500 shillings, but after church people will buy them for as much as 3,000. is this good or bad? i mean, the church gets more money-good. people get to show off how much money their giving to the church-bad. is this the sort of thing Jesus was pissed about when he said the sellers had turned his father's house into a den of robbers? is this not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing? i'm not so sure. PC encourages us not to judge, but try and learn from the culture. maybe there's more to this practice that i don't see. maybe it has a communal aspect i can't understand as a western. i certainly enjoy standing together in a circle and rhythmically clapping as the auctioneer tries to get people to give more. i don't know...

any of my homies from upstate ny remember old stone fort days? sometimes i can't help but be curious in the difference in development in africa and the us when i see the toys the kids her play with. and in this use of the word "toys" i don't mean informal objects that become play things in this part of the world-plastic bottles, empty lotion containers, knives, mud puddles, soccer balls made of string and plastic bags, razor blades, etc. here i'm talking about more formal toys like the hoop and stick or dreadles that are kept in motion with a whip made out of a stick and a piece of string. sometimes seeing kids play with these toys makes me appreciate how much kids enjoy simple pleasures and games here and how there is not the materialism and obcession with the latest toy/gadget (think iPODs, fancy phones, tickle me elmo, xbox, or what-have-you). but the more time here i spend, the more i realize the same human corruption is present here, just in forms that aren't as recognizable to me. people still want the best phone, the best braids (oh yeah, btw...i recently got extensions! haha.....i felt like barbie), the best sandals, the best xmas clothes, etc. and i don't say this to bash tanzanians, i say this because at times i find myself praising the simplistic lifestyle and hating myself for my american materialism....so i guess i just find comfort in knowing that materialism and selfishness aren't solely western evils, their part of the corrupt human....and as beautiful as other traditions are....i can't idolize them or demonize the culture i belong to. we all have our faults....they're just manifested in different ways. wow, not sure if that makes any sense...sorry.

Chapter 11: Materialism Rant Continued, Sorta (or CHRISTMAS!)

like i said i'm in this entries title (if you can remember back to when you read the title when you started ready this entry like a week and a half ago...if you're tired of reading imagine how i feel!) i certainly did not miss snow the christmas, but i will admit, "there's no place like home for the holidays." luckily for me, i am constantly receiving letters and packages and emails from home, so i certainly felt the cross-continental love this xmas! i knew the holiday season in africa would be different for me...no snow, no shopping for endless gifts, no lights on the streets, no christmas music in the stores, or 24-hour all christmas music radio stations...and like with most things here, i was eager to learn about the tanzanian traditions, but this time, i had to mix in traditions that i love and are important to me. i had to have the idea of a "holiday season" even if no one else around me did. sooo....i'll try and give a brief run down of what that consisted of. first, i am lucky enough that people (some who i asked and some who just know me and my love for xmas...thanks krissy!) sent me decorations! my living room was pretty much decked out! i had red tinsel around the windows and greens, candles, and a stuffed santa from grandma arranged beautifully on my mantle just above the stocking i inherited from jonathan! a quick note about santa! "hayupo" tanzania...he's not here! they have no clue who he is. i tried to explain the story, but i don't know if i just didn't know the words or if the concept is just too far-fetched, but in my efforts to describe a fat man that flies, has a list of the world's children, and comes through the chimney to deliver presents, i pretty much made a fool of myself. after a few half-assed efforts (i didn't really want to spoil the true meaning of xmas for africans) i gave up and ran with the thoughts of a 2-year-old who thought santa was baby Jesus. i suppose a fat man with a beard kinda looks like Christ incarnate? ha...then my neighbors cut me down a christmas tree! i decorated it with ornaments from home and a popcorn garland (made with my neighbors....don't worry, i let them eat lots too!) in the american tradition, hydraingeas in the tanzanian tradition, and playing cards in the PC tradition (well, not sure you can call it a tradition. bret and i cut down a tree from his neighborhood at night mission impossible style and got creative with our decorating....light bulbs, playing cards, and tubing. ha!) and of course, the tree was topped with a star i fashioned out of duct tape and a plastic bottle. and don't worry, dad. i had to climb on top a chair and i was still on my tippy toes putting it on. matter of fact, i almost killed myself putting it on and almost knocked the tree over and fell on my face. the tree and i both survived, but it ended up about a foot shorter! haha...my tanzanian friends explained to me that christmas presents aren't really a big part of their tradition here, but i decided that i would give some gifts and enjoy another american tradition....COOKIES! i made a ton of baked goods for my friends and co-workers. after 3 full days of baking on my tiny charcoal stove i successfully made 1 banana bread, 1 mango bread, 1 loaf of whole wheat bread, 2 batches of sugar cookies, 3 batches of oatmeal cookies, 3 batches of fudge, and 2 vanilla cakes, and a chocolate cake! for the most part i had a great time. i sang american xmas carols or talked with friends or set the occasional treat aside for the neighbor kids.....i will admit though, once the rain started to pour and i closed myself into my kitchen to stay dry and i almost gave myself carbon monoxide poisoning....that was rough. HA. i wrapped up the presents in the plastic my mattress came in back in august (i'm definitely learning to reuse creatively here...) and handed them out with some hand made christmas cards. the cards were pretty and i wrote bible verses or notes in swahili, but the pictures i drew of stars, ornaments, trees, garland, doves, etc. might have been a bit mysterious to my tanzanian friends. haha....oh well. i was happy to learn that one american tradition is also practiced here in tanzania that i love at home-christmas pagents! although the tradition is a bit different here. at my church here the same christmas play is done every year. there are no scripts....everyone knows every part (although there were some heated arguments of lines or the order of scenes). there is no director....there's a panel of bibis who makes comments/criticisms at the end of rehearsal. there are no auditions or volunteering for a part...the group assigns them. anywhoo....i had the very important part of the secretary (who knew there was a secretary in the xmas story?!). in this play they pretend that the story is taking place in africa, so caesar's decree for the census is announced at a town meeting. i had one line. HAHA. but i opened the play....it was an important line. i also played mzee namba 1. meaning i hobbled into the cenus as an old lady to riotous laughter. the play overall was very similar to one in america. i mean, we use the same bible, right? (or not, eh, dr. mrs.?) but there were some notable differences. first of all, we opened and closed the play by dancing and singing around the church. yes, i danced....in front of everyone. another really interesting point was the main character of the play. in the u.s. little girls fight over who will be mary. and certainly, if there is a lead, most people would point to mary, especially those from a more catholic tradition, i'm sure. but here, the main character was joseph. he had the most lines by far. mary barely spoke. i'm not sure if that's just because the woman (everyone in the play was a woman) playing joseph was more outgoing or confident with adlibing, or because the patriarchial african society dictated such a play. i don't know for sure....we performed the play christmas day. which, i will admit was a strange day. i woke up and for the first time didn't have a stocking carefully packed full of goodies by my mom. i couldn't go sit under the tree and guess which was in each box (although i'll admit that i walked into my living room hoping for some miraculous surprise). i didn't have a family to watch open presents from me (that was probably the biggest disappointment). it was a strange feeling. so i got ready, just like any other day, but i doned my new christmas dress (one sewn in the tanzanian style) and headed to my neighbors to help cook. then we went to a verrrry long service. after church we headed back to eat tons of yummy food (chicken, pilau, and new clothes are pretty much what tanzanian kids have to look forward to on xmas) and have a dance party! yes! i went to two houses and was stuffed full to the brim! at my second friends house i had to unzip my dress a little be able to dance! haha. i closed my day by talking to my family and packing for this vacation. it was a great day, and yet really hard. a lot of my PC friends got together to do more american traditions. in some ways i wish i had been with them for the day, but there was such a comfort in being with my family here. and while xmas has a bit of hype here (there's inflation in food and clothing prices and even an extra market day on xmas eve) it was one of the most Christ-centered christmases i've ever experienced in my life, and so for that i was humbled and grateful.

EPILOGUE

well, to be honest....i'm exhausted from writing. i hope this book of a blog entry made up for my extended absense. thank you all for your support and your interest in my time here! i hope you all had a merry christmas and a happy new year. i'll try and get on again soon and tell you the fun/exciting stories from my vacation and whatever else might come up in the next few weeks! much love!